Brooklyn Roots-Interview with my Mom
1. Describe growing up as a Jew in Brooklyn
In Brooklyn, we were very attached to the Conservative synagogue that we attended. We belonged to the East Midwood Jewish Center on Ocean Avenue. My great-aunt Rae and her husband Sam Dornstein were the caterers at the East Midwood in the 40’s. My grandfather Jules Gross (who you are named after) and my grandmother Vivian, your great-grandparents, also became kosher caterers and worked at the East Midwood. For this reason, we not only knew the rabbi, Harry Halperin, we as a family considered him a friend of the family. I went to kindergarten at the East Midwood Talmud Torah, and you know that your dad just happened to be in my kindergarten class.
We celebrated all the Jewish holidays and my other grandmother, Fanny (my mom’s mom) would come to New York from Easton, Pennsylvania for the holidays with suitcases full of food. For Passover, Grandma Fanny ran the show, we covered the counters with contact paper, changed our dishes, and she single-handedly made the meal for 30 plus people. We had our special seats at the high holidays every year because my dad was friends with all the ushers who would play handball with him in the temple’s gym. I have really special memories of my time at East Midwood and I went to the Hebrew School for about 13 years. I was the last Bat Mitzvah that was officiated by Rabbi Halperin before his retirement. I enjoyed the annual Purim carnival where you could win a goldfish or shave a balloon. Because of my family’s catering connection we possibly had a stronger connection to our synagogue than some others might.
You have to remember that all my grandparents grew up religious so although we were not Orthodox, so many Jewish customs were important to them and were passed on to my parents and then to me. Food was a big part of being Jewish in Brooklyn. Finding a great bagel, or belly lox and matjes herring was just a trip around the corner. If I wanted a real egg cream or a Yonah Schimmel knish or a piece of apple strudel (my guilty pleasure) I could hop a train to the Lower East Side. I loved going to the Lower East Side with my grandmother and hearing her stories of life there as a child when she came in from Pennsylvania.
While growing up in Brooklyn, most of my friends were either Jewish or Italian. We experienced no prejudice as we were not a minority group in Brooklyn. We were basically a community of Jews that placed a strong emphasis on education, with a strong connection to our temple.
2. How big of a role does religion play in your life?
I am very proud of my Jewish heritage and the Jewish upbringing that my parents and grandparents provided for me. I don’t live my life in any way as a religious Jew, but at the same time I enjoy celebrating the holidays and the traditions. Growing up Conservative, I enjoy a more religious service, so even though I am not kosher and don’t attend temple on Shabbat, I find that the reform service is not what I’m accustomed to. After having my own children, we tried a reformed temple for a short time, but I felt something was missing. I didn’t feel that connection to the Rabbi, service, etc… Rabbi Halperin was a tough act to follow. And my expectations for that reason were probably unreasonably high. Later we belonged to an egalitarian synagogue (essentially a conservative service) that was wonderful as my children attended Hebrew School and had their Bar and Bat Mitzvah. We have been going to Chabad for the past few years both in Westchester, New York and now in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina. I try to go weekly to Lunch and Learn with the Rabbi’s wife. We discuss the torah portion of the week and how it relates to our everyday lives. We also attend many Chabad events and I still celebrate the holidays as I did as a kid. I believe that my religion enriches and enhances my life. It is a part of me and guides me to be more ethical and charitable. I would also say that this Jewish pride carries over into my pride for Israel as I am a passionate pro-Israel American.
3. How has your observation of Judaism changed throughout your life?
When I was a young kid my observance to Judaism was less for me and more to appease my parents and grandparents. It’s typical of most childhood periods. There is an expectation placed upon you by your elders and you try to deliver. Now, when I observe, I’m doing it solely for myself.
4. Describe any differences from being a Jew in New York versus Charleston
Unlike being a Jew in New York, where you are surrounded by other Jews all the time, in Charleston I have to seek out my fellow Jews. This is not a bad thing. I’m meeting some wonderful people. It was important for me to have a connection to the Jewish community in Charleston. It’s been a starting point in building new friendships and to get tips on living in my new Southern community. I feel that the Charleston Jewish community is very welcoming, as are Jewish communities everywhere. But I think because we are a smaller community this Jewish community does more outreach. The four major congregations are involved with each other. There is Hanukkah in Marion Park, and all four Jewish congregations come together for that. We have the Modern Orthodox Synagogue on Rutledge Avenue in Charleston, and the Reform Temple, Beth Elohim on Hasell Street, also in Charleston. The Conservative temple is in the suburb of West Ashley, and I attend Chabad’s Center for Jewish Life in Mount Pleasant. These entities are all inclusive and people that belong to the Conservative temple for example, come to Chabad for certain events during the year. I believe that that is the major difference in being a Jew down South. We seek out our Jewish culture and celebrate our Jewishness more than I did in the North.
5. Where do you feel a stronger sense of a Jewish community?
Ahh. That’s a hard one. When Rabbi Harry Halperin was part of the East Midwood Jewish Center in my early childhood, the connection I had there was strong. Celebrating the Jewish holidays with my Grandma Fanny in Easton, Pennsylvania were special times. She was a wonderful Jewish cook, and I’ve even created a family cookbook in her memory. So those childhood memories are strong and lasting. But I think for the first time in my life it’s important to me to be involved in this Southern Jewish community. I’m really enjoying myself.
6. Growing up in a kosher household, why did you decide to not observe later in life?
I loved growing up kosher. It was fun getting together as a family and breaking bread together (or Challah). But growing up kosher in a conservative Jewish household didn’t stop my parents from eating non-kosher outside of the house. Eating my way through Brooklyn meant greasy amazing pizza on Kings Highway, or Italian at Carolinas (best breaded clams in Brooklyn). The world famous Lundy’s in Sheepshead Bay served hot biscuits that I still dream about and my Dad (Grandpa Buddy) and I would sneak off from our table to the clam bar to slurp down some freshly shucked mollusks. My Dad and I would also frequent Dubrows (an old fashioned cafeteria) for their ethereal shrimp salad sandwich. So my family fostered a love for both the kosher fatty brisket and the non-kosher Jimmy’s hot dog in Easton, PA. While I valued being kosher, I wanted all sorts of good food more. And when Daddy and I decided to get married we knew that our love of all types of food would win out. You know better than anyone how much I love to cook wonderful food. I didn’t want to be restricted or held back by the likes of margarine when butter is always better. I wanted to be able to whip up a batch of shrimp scampi at home, or eat ice cream right after a steak dinner. So making the decision to go non-kosher was an easy one. Of course, I felt some remorse, but that feeling quickly subsided.
Over the years, I’ve cooked my way through many cookbooks. I’ve mastered Beef Wellington, the sausage and duck cassoulet, and Lobster Thermador. And I’ll be honest... haven’t regretted a moment of it. I wouldn’t have been able to cook these wonderful things if I were kosher. It was a choice, and I believe we made the right one for us. I truly admire those that can commit to the laws of Kashrut. It’s a tough thing to keep when you’ve been exposed to a clam bar at an early age. My sister, your Aunt Amy, ate more seafood than anyone I know. Now she is Orthodox and strictly Glatt kosher. I think it’s so much harder for those people that experienced non-kosher food at an early age. It’s really amazing to make that commitment and stick with it.
That being said, I now live in Charleston. ‘Nuf said. Charleston is not all about the charm, and the proximity to the ocean. It’s about the food!!! There are high-end restaurants like Husk and Fig downtown. There is great BBQ, with Rodney Scott’s on Upper King (you know that’s my favorite), and John Lewis BBQ that turns out smoked brisket that is very different than Grandma Fanny’s. Charleston has become a shining light on the food scene and I’m embracing it 100%. So, being kosher now just isn’t in my future.
In Brooklyn, we were very attached to the Conservative synagogue that we attended. We belonged to the East Midwood Jewish Center on Ocean Avenue. My great-aunt Rae and her husband Sam Dornstein were the caterers at the East Midwood in the 40’s. My grandfather Jules Gross (who you are named after) and my grandmother Vivian, your great-grandparents, also became kosher caterers and worked at the East Midwood. For this reason, we not only knew the rabbi, Harry Halperin, we as a family considered him a friend of the family. I went to kindergarten at the East Midwood Talmud Torah, and you know that your dad just happened to be in my kindergarten class.
We celebrated all the Jewish holidays and my other grandmother, Fanny (my mom’s mom) would come to New York from Easton, Pennsylvania for the holidays with suitcases full of food. For Passover, Grandma Fanny ran the show, we covered the counters with contact paper, changed our dishes, and she single-handedly made the meal for 30 plus people. We had our special seats at the high holidays every year because my dad was friends with all the ushers who would play handball with him in the temple’s gym. I have really special memories of my time at East Midwood and I went to the Hebrew School for about 13 years. I was the last Bat Mitzvah that was officiated by Rabbi Halperin before his retirement. I enjoyed the annual Purim carnival where you could win a goldfish or shave a balloon. Because of my family’s catering connection we possibly had a stronger connection to our synagogue than some others might.
You have to remember that all my grandparents grew up religious so although we were not Orthodox, so many Jewish customs were important to them and were passed on to my parents and then to me. Food was a big part of being Jewish in Brooklyn. Finding a great bagel, or belly lox and matjes herring was just a trip around the corner. If I wanted a real egg cream or a Yonah Schimmel knish or a piece of apple strudel (my guilty pleasure) I could hop a train to the Lower East Side. I loved going to the Lower East Side with my grandmother and hearing her stories of life there as a child when she came in from Pennsylvania.
While growing up in Brooklyn, most of my friends were either Jewish or Italian. We experienced no prejudice as we were not a minority group in Brooklyn. We were basically a community of Jews that placed a strong emphasis on education, with a strong connection to our temple.
2. How big of a role does religion play in your life?
I am very proud of my Jewish heritage and the Jewish upbringing that my parents and grandparents provided for me. I don’t live my life in any way as a religious Jew, but at the same time I enjoy celebrating the holidays and the traditions. Growing up Conservative, I enjoy a more religious service, so even though I am not kosher and don’t attend temple on Shabbat, I find that the reform service is not what I’m accustomed to. After having my own children, we tried a reformed temple for a short time, but I felt something was missing. I didn’t feel that connection to the Rabbi, service, etc… Rabbi Halperin was a tough act to follow. And my expectations for that reason were probably unreasonably high. Later we belonged to an egalitarian synagogue (essentially a conservative service) that was wonderful as my children attended Hebrew School and had their Bar and Bat Mitzvah. We have been going to Chabad for the past few years both in Westchester, New York and now in Mount Pleasant, South Carolina. I try to go weekly to Lunch and Learn with the Rabbi’s wife. We discuss the torah portion of the week and how it relates to our everyday lives. We also attend many Chabad events and I still celebrate the holidays as I did as a kid. I believe that my religion enriches and enhances my life. It is a part of me and guides me to be more ethical and charitable. I would also say that this Jewish pride carries over into my pride for Israel as I am a passionate pro-Israel American.
3. How has your observation of Judaism changed throughout your life?
When I was a young kid my observance to Judaism was less for me and more to appease my parents and grandparents. It’s typical of most childhood periods. There is an expectation placed upon you by your elders and you try to deliver. Now, when I observe, I’m doing it solely for myself.
4. Describe any differences from being a Jew in New York versus Charleston
Unlike being a Jew in New York, where you are surrounded by other Jews all the time, in Charleston I have to seek out my fellow Jews. This is not a bad thing. I’m meeting some wonderful people. It was important for me to have a connection to the Jewish community in Charleston. It’s been a starting point in building new friendships and to get tips on living in my new Southern community. I feel that the Charleston Jewish community is very welcoming, as are Jewish communities everywhere. But I think because we are a smaller community this Jewish community does more outreach. The four major congregations are involved with each other. There is Hanukkah in Marion Park, and all four Jewish congregations come together for that. We have the Modern Orthodox Synagogue on Rutledge Avenue in Charleston, and the Reform Temple, Beth Elohim on Hasell Street, also in Charleston. The Conservative temple is in the suburb of West Ashley, and I attend Chabad’s Center for Jewish Life in Mount Pleasant. These entities are all inclusive and people that belong to the Conservative temple for example, come to Chabad for certain events during the year. I believe that that is the major difference in being a Jew down South. We seek out our Jewish culture and celebrate our Jewishness more than I did in the North.
5. Where do you feel a stronger sense of a Jewish community?
Ahh. That’s a hard one. When Rabbi Harry Halperin was part of the East Midwood Jewish Center in my early childhood, the connection I had there was strong. Celebrating the Jewish holidays with my Grandma Fanny in Easton, Pennsylvania were special times. She was a wonderful Jewish cook, and I’ve even created a family cookbook in her memory. So those childhood memories are strong and lasting. But I think for the first time in my life it’s important to me to be involved in this Southern Jewish community. I’m really enjoying myself.
6. Growing up in a kosher household, why did you decide to not observe later in life?
I loved growing up kosher. It was fun getting together as a family and breaking bread together (or Challah). But growing up kosher in a conservative Jewish household didn’t stop my parents from eating non-kosher outside of the house. Eating my way through Brooklyn meant greasy amazing pizza on Kings Highway, or Italian at Carolinas (best breaded clams in Brooklyn). The world famous Lundy’s in Sheepshead Bay served hot biscuits that I still dream about and my Dad (Grandpa Buddy) and I would sneak off from our table to the clam bar to slurp down some freshly shucked mollusks. My Dad and I would also frequent Dubrows (an old fashioned cafeteria) for their ethereal shrimp salad sandwich. So my family fostered a love for both the kosher fatty brisket and the non-kosher Jimmy’s hot dog in Easton, PA. While I valued being kosher, I wanted all sorts of good food more. And when Daddy and I decided to get married we knew that our love of all types of food would win out. You know better than anyone how much I love to cook wonderful food. I didn’t want to be restricted or held back by the likes of margarine when butter is always better. I wanted to be able to whip up a batch of shrimp scampi at home, or eat ice cream right after a steak dinner. So making the decision to go non-kosher was an easy one. Of course, I felt some remorse, but that feeling quickly subsided.
Over the years, I’ve cooked my way through many cookbooks. I’ve mastered Beef Wellington, the sausage and duck cassoulet, and Lobster Thermador. And I’ll be honest... haven’t regretted a moment of it. I wouldn’t have been able to cook these wonderful things if I were kosher. It was a choice, and I believe we made the right one for us. I truly admire those that can commit to the laws of Kashrut. It’s a tough thing to keep when you’ve been exposed to a clam bar at an early age. My sister, your Aunt Amy, ate more seafood than anyone I know. Now she is Orthodox and strictly Glatt kosher. I think it’s so much harder for those people that experienced non-kosher food at an early age. It’s really amazing to make that commitment and stick with it.
That being said, I now live in Charleston. ‘Nuf said. Charleston is not all about the charm, and the proximity to the ocean. It’s about the food!!! There are high-end restaurants like Husk and Fig downtown. There is great BBQ, with Rodney Scott’s on Upper King (you know that’s my favorite), and John Lewis BBQ that turns out smoked brisket that is very different than Grandma Fanny’s. Charleston has become a shining light on the food scene and I’m embracing it 100%. So, being kosher now just isn’t in my future.